I STOPPED AND THOUGHT TODAY.....

  which is ALWAYS such a bad thing for me.  You see,  I am not the kind of person who stops, thinks, smiles, and moves on.  I am the sort that stops, goes into morbid reflection, I don't move for 2 to 3 hours, and the end is always the same.  The finale always looks like the beginning of a forensics show.  People have been hurt...by me...and it is bad.
  I like the way they get the worst right out of the way on shows like that.  The opening scene usually depicts the nightmare that the victim went through right before his or her death. The scene is over in about 60 seconds which makes it almost surrealistic. The rest of the show is ALL of the fine men and women in law enforcement working extra hours with no sleep or pay ( LOL) to catch the person who did it. Ummm. Yeah. Like I was saying, I always found those shows to be really good, but surrealistic.
  That will lead me right back to my point.  I went out in downtown Salem on Friday night.  I was by myself and the summery wind was sweetly blowing. I went down to support the opening of "Clockworks," the new community center and cafe.  Since my move here in August of last year, I have never been out in downtown during the evening! I followed it up with a club called "Flipside" and yet another out of the downtown area. My mind started its wandering, but I wasn't killing people or working at NCIS next to Abbey today.  I realized I, in fact, WAS Alice in Wonderland. The breeze made it super weird just because it was a super weird breeze.  I walked and laughed. I was unfamiliar with this sudden feeling coming over me.  I had read about it though and it was called "Happiness."
  I knew I must have been losing my mind.  I never felt like this. I wondered if I got a lifeline to "phone-a-friend" so I can find out what to do. If not, at the very least I would need the internet. I can't do anything without that anymore.  It was Salem. I looked up right away, but nothing was falling from the sky. For the first time since my move here, I was feeling like I belonged here.  I loved it. I could have stayed out all night.
  That was the most illuminating eve for me to be serious. I haven't fit anywhere in a long time. I am a lost kid who is not a kid. People ask me "why would you move from New York to here???" I have been searching for that feeling I had on Friday night for what seems like eternity. It's funny, I never felt like I belonged in the state and town I spent my childhood.  It was always too hectic and dizzy.  I felt like I was at a bad theme park.  I was still sick from the last ride and it was time to go on another...and another. I think I can kick up my feet and rest as after 5 different states, 50 plus addresses, a trillion phone numbers, I think I have found my home.

  Now I just need to find what I heard them call "friends."

By the way...I can't help but try to spread the word about my new business.

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